


it is the only thing that makes us feel alive

by clearsummerstars



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Again, Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Established Relationship, Fluff, Humor, I Made Myself Cry, Kim Minji | JiU Is A Jeweler, M/M, Marriage Proposal, The Author Regrets Nothing, This Turned Out Longer Than It Should Have, hongjoong is an emotional sleep-deprived painter, lol, please listen to ed sheerans photograph while reading this, seonghwa is a messy sleep-deprived surgeon, that song fuelled the majourity of this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:27:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23781574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clearsummerstars/pseuds/clearsummerstars
Summary: They work in sync extremely well that it's scary.But Seonghwa is always first.Always.
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 24
Kudos: 135





	it is the only thing that makes us feel alive

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bazzys](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bazzys/gifts).



> a day belated, but hbd, vilde <3
> 
> if you want a more emotional experience as you read through this, please consider listening to the instrumental of [photograph](https://youtu.be/cS6XY7yzD3s) until the end of the fic. i swear, it's life changing ;;;; i really cried multiple times while writing this, but i am also just an emotional wreckage in general o(TヘTo)
> 
> the title's from _"photograph"_ by ed sheeran.

Hongjoong hesitantly steps into the jeweller's shop. He looks around nervously, holding the strap of his messenger bag like it depends on his life. He's dressed in a black beanie, a white t-shirt, a red and black plaid patterned flannel, dark washed ripped jeans and black combat boots. As his eyes roam the shop, he feels like he came into it underdressed compared to how fancy it looks. 

Also, he knows he should go in and like. _Look._ But it's as if he's glued to the ground. He can't believe he's made his way in here after contemplating it for over a month. Finally going in to complete the act he's been wanting to fulfill for so long has him extremely anxious. _Feet, don't fail me now,_ he thinks. 

The nervousness must be radiating off of him intensely because who he suspects is the owner of the shop comes up to him and smiles at him. She has bright purple coloured hair and kind eyes. He feels he'll be in good hands because of that. 

The woman tilts her head to the side and says, "Welcome to _Queen's Touch!_ I could see your hesitance as you entered through the door. Is this your first time coming here?"

Hongjoong lets out a small, embarrassed laugh while rubbing the nape of his neck. Caught red-handed, huh? "Y-Yeah, it is."

She claps her hands together once. "Ah! I figured! You didn't look familiar. You can call me Minji," she introduces herself, and Hongjoong nods. "Did you come looking for something specific?" She asks and begins to walk forward into the store.

"Um." Hongjoong's face begins to flush as he follows her. "Y-Yes, actually. I—u-um. R-Rings?" He stutters out. "W-Wedding rings, I mean!" He adds quickly.

"Oh!" She turns around to face him while walking backward with her hands behind her back. "For a proposal!?" She exclaims, her eyes lit like Christmas lights.

Hongjoong nods, gripping his bag tighter. He's nervous. He's so nervous. Why is he so nervous? For what reason is he feeling this tense? He might astral project into space with how much he feels like he's vibrating from within. _Fucking take a chill pill, Kim Hongjoong,_ he tells himself. _It's just a pair of rings. It's just a pair of fucking rings._

"Then you've come to the right place! Shall we take a tour of the shop?" Minji asks, giving him a gentle and inviting smile.

After a small gulp, Hongjoong nods timidly. "Yeah. That'd be great, actually."

With that, Hongjoong begins to be led around the store. Minji explains to him all of the different sections. When he has questions, she patiently waits for him to phrase his sentences before answering. All in all, it's a very calming experience, and he's surprised by how it settles his nerves. He wonders if she knew.

"And here is our last stop!" 

Hongjoong follows her direction of sight toward the glass display. She's finally showing him the rings, and he has to steel himself. He's trying to be ready for what's coming, but it isn't so easy. And like the snap of a finger, Minji asks what he's been dreading to hear.

"Would you like your rings to be brand new? We specialize in that." Minji then taps on the glass display. "Or would you like to view what we have from off of the shelf?"

It's a tough decision. It's probably what he's been pondering over the most if he's going to be completely honest. Hongjoong looks down at hundreds of rows of rings with his heart racing. "I think..." He braces himself. "I think I'll look at what you have here first and then decide whether I'd like newly made ones or not." 

Minji smiles brightly. "That's a fantastic idea! Let's go over each one? I'll mention the price of any that sparks your interest!"

They spend an hour discussing and searching for what Hongjoong wants. He didn't have any idea of what he wanted to go for before arriving, but seeing all the different designs made his brain start working. He didn't want to be too picky. But he also didn't want to pick something that he would no longer like later. Eventually, he does come across one that makes something in his brain suddenly go, _"That's the one."_

It's a simple gold ring, the width about an inch. But what makes it stand out to him is the one huge stripe of navy blue that sits in between the gold. There are also tiny, baby blue and white jewels going around the blue line as well. He thinks it's beautiful and will compliment him and Seonghwa.

Minji claps excitedly when he announces that he thinks that design is the one he wants. "What sizes do you need?" She asks as she goes behind the display to remove the ring from its spot.

"Shit," Hongjoong swears to himself. He didn't think about that! He has no clue what size rings Seonghwa wears. _Way to go Kim Hongjoong,_ he thinks. "I...I'm not sure actually. He... doesn't wear rings often, to be honest," he admits, slightly embarrassed.

"That's okay! That's not a problem at all!" Minji reassures him. "Do you perhaps have any photos on you that show his hands in it?"

 _Saved._

"Yeah! I do!" He reaches into the pocket of his jeans and takes out his phone. It takes a few moments. But when he finally finds a photo that shows Seonghwa's hands accurately, he hands his phone to her. "I think this one should be okay...?" 

Minji looks down at the screen of his phone and gives it a hard look. She stares at it for thirty seconds maximum before giving him a nod. She then throws him a wink and says, "That's perfect! I know _just_ the thing! Give me a moment, and I'll be _right back_ with your rings." 

She jogs to the back of the store and leaves Hongjoong standing there to take in all that's just happened in the past hour and a half. And again—he's nervous. He's _so_ fucking nervous. He doesn't know why this is rattling his brain. It's not something so serious, yet here he is close to shitting his pants. He thinks he'll need to take an eight-hour nap when he gets home to rid himself of the anxiousness.

When Minji returns a few minutes later with his requested purchase, he feels like he's ascending. He's excited yet terrified at the same time.

She sets a black box on the display in front of Hongjoong and opens it. Then she hands the ring of his size to him. "Here's the one for you," she remarks, smiling when Hongjoong takes it from her. "Go ahead and try it on!"

Hongjoong nods in response. His throat feels dry as he slips it on. It slides onto his ring finger with ease, and suddenly he feels something bubbling from the pit of his belly. 

He stares. 

_And stares at it for a while._

This... This is it. _This is it._ This is where he's at in life. He can't believe it. He's made it this far. Eight or nine years ago, he was in such a slump—one he thought he was never going to make it out of. Today, he's twenty-six and _thriving._ He has a partner who loves him. One that he'd die for. Who's now a lover that he wants to be with for the rest of his God-damned life. That's a miracle of its own. And he's living it!

This _is it._ This is where he's at. And despite the nerves, he's _happy._ Oh, he is so _so_ happy.

"Oh? Your hands!" Minji exclaims.

Hongjoong then snaps out of his reverie to look up at her with a confused expression. 

She points to the dried colours over the surface of his fingers. "Are you an artist?" She asks.

With a small laugh, Hongjoong nods. "Oh. Yeah, I paint commissioned pieces for interior designers and companies."

"Wow! That's amazing! I bet your to-be husband is so proud of you."

Hongjoong blushes and nods. "Yeah, he...he says it often. He's very supportive."

"That's so cute," she coos. She then points to the ring. "Do you like it?"

A million thoughts are going on in Hongjoong's brain. They zoom around like a swarm of bees. The emotions he has at the moment have him feel as if he's struggling for air. He thinks he'll begin crying if he opens his mouth to speak, so he nods in response instead.

Minji manages to catch on though, having a fond expression on her face, and smiles. "Shall I ring you up now?" She asks softly.

Hongjoong's lips tremble. He lets out a tiny sniffle and slides the ring off of his finger to hand it back to Minji. "Yes," he responds after returning the ring to her. And he hopes he doesn't sound as choked as he feels.

Once he gives his pay for the two rings, he severely thanks Minji for her help and time. Minji expresses that it was no problem, as it's her job. They then say their farewells and Hongjoong exits the shop in a better mood than when he entered it.

When he steps out, he stops in front of the door to look at the bag in his hand. He bites his lip as he feels his heartbeat picking up for the nth time that day.

"I hope this is the right choice…," he whispers to himself.  
  


* * *

  
  
Hongjoong is still trying to decide when is the best moment to propose. He's slightly irritated with himself because it's been four weeks since he's gotten a hold of the rings. Still, he keeps getting unbelievably nervous every time he thinks about it. His tactic to solve the problem is to try not to, but he's been holding onto the damn box for over four weeks now. Of course, he's going to think about it!

He sighs, shaking his head to rid himself of the protruding thoughts once again. He's trying to finish up a piece for his latest commission. He takes a step back to view the entire painting and his progress so far but then hears his apartment door open.

"Honey, I'm home~," a voice—he immediately recognizes it as Seonghwa—calls out playfully. He's teasing, but Hongjoong can hear his tiredness.

Hongjoong laughs softly as a response to Seonghwa and puts down his paintbrush. He toes off his shoes and meets Seonghwa halfway in their living room with a huge smile. Once in the proximity of Seonghwa, he reaches up on his tippy-toes to plant a kiss on Seonghwa's lips. "Welcome home, darling," he greets back.

With a grin on his face, Seonghwa leans down and returns the kiss. Then he looks behind Hongjoong to take a glance at the large canvas that takes up the entirety of the wall. "Have you been working on that since I left this morning?" He asks, stepping back from Hongjoong to take his jacket off and throw it on the couch.

 _“Uhhhhh.”_ Hongjoong turns his head to look at the canvas and then back to Seonghwa with a slight grimace. "No?"

Seonghwa laughs and kisses Hongjoong again. "Listen. I know we're both bad at taking breaks, but I can at least try. Can you too? For my sake, if not yours?" He pleads, pouting his lips.

Hongjoong giggles and just barely pushes at Seonghwa's chest. "Stop that," he says and begins giggling again when Seonghwa leans down and starts peppering kisses all over his face. "And I did take a break. I swear."

"I don't like the way you said "a break" and not "some breaks." Did you eat?" He asks, pulling Hongjoong into an embrace and resting his chin on Hongjoong's head with a content sigh.

"Ugh, you reek of hospital," Hongjoong groans, pulling away from Seonghwa with a wrinkled nose. He pushes Seonghwa again when the man laughs at his reaction. "And no…. I haven't."

Seonghwa tuts. "I'm sorry. I had a surgical operation that lasted a bit longer than we anticipated and didn't get to shower before I left the building because I was hurrying," he explains. "And hey! Should I set an alarm for you that will make you remember and force you to eat? How can you take a break and not eat?" He picks up a few bags from the floor and raises his arms to bring them to Hongjoong's attention. "Also, I was hurrying because I bought take-out. I was craving it."

Hongjoong turns up his face at Seonghwa's suggestion. "I can remind _myself,_ thank you very much!" He huffs and takes the bags from Seonghwa to stomp off to the kitchen.

Seonghwa laughs as he follows him. "You don't act like it, babe!"

It doesn't take long for them to set up and begin eating. Hongjoong enjoys and savours the moments they're allowed to bask in each other's presence like this. Unfortunately, with Seonghwa's hectic schedules and Hongjoong's whack sleep cycle, they don't often have the opportunity to eat dinner together. But when they do, Hongjoong jumps at the chance and is always so grateful. Seonghwa is a treasure, and he loves to share his time with him.

When they are almost done eating, their conversation abruptly takes a turn. Seonghwa suddenly becomes really serious. Hongjoong only makes a big deal of it to himself because it's unlike Seonghwa to be like that unless it's something significant—which, if he's going to be honest, is rare from either of them.

"Hongjoong-ah… You know how much I love you, right?" Seonghwa asks, staring intensely at Hongjoong.

Hongjoong blinks and lets out a small laugh. "Um, yes. I would say so."

Seonghwa places his chopsticks on the table and leans back against his chair. "You… You've really changed my life around, Hongjoong-ah… And I know it's such a cheesy thing to say, but I never want to have anyone else in my life like this but you. I know… I know you are the one for me. No one else. There is nobody else in the world for me besides you. And I treasure that fact so much. You wouldn't even believe it."

He's not going to lie. He is a bit confused by the outburst, but he accepts the heartfelt confession with open arms. "I—wow. I love you too, Hwa. Just as much," he responds, a small flush on his cheeks from feeling a bit embarrassed by the shower of love. He can't help but think there's a ulteriour motive for this, though with how serious Seonghwa is looking. "What's with the sudden confession? Is there—are-are you dying? Or?"

Seonghwa snorts, finally breaking his tense expression with a smile, and shakes his head. “ _No,_ you silly head.” 

"I-I mean! You were all suddenly serious out of nowhere! What was I supposed to expect!?" He exclaims, feeling the need to defend himself. He then watches as Seonghwa stands up and strolls over to one of the cabinets, moving things around before pulling out a tiny, dark blue gift bag. Hongjoong puts down his chopsticks as well when Seonghwa walks back to the table and hands the bag to him.

"Here," Seonghwa says softly.

Hongjoong blinks at him confusedly but takes the item from him.

"Look in it," he says. "Then open it."

With narrowed eyes, Hongjoong follows Seonghwa's commands. He looks down into the bag and finds a small, dark purple velvet box sitting at the bottom. He raises an eyebrow as he reaches inside and takes it out. He looks up at Seonghwa, who looks back at him with a face that's urging him to continue on. So he inspects it for a moment, thinking that there's a necklace or bracelet inside. 

To his surprise, when he opens it, there’s a _ring_. Panic begins to rise to his throat and his heartbeat rushes to his ears. Because that’s not just _any_ old ring. It’s a _wedding_ ring. 

_The same exact wedding ring he bought when he went to the jewellery store four weeks ago._

"Wh-wha—"

"I'm just going to get straight to the point," Seonghwa interrupts him as he sits back in his seat. He stares straight into Hongjoong's brown eyes. Absolutely no hesitance present whatsoever. "Hongjoong-ah…. Will you marry me?"

Those very four words strike through Hongjoong like a water balloon hitting a tree. He _bursts_ into tears. Everything he was holding drops to the table, and his hands spring up to his face to cover his nose and mouth. The tears spill out of his eyes like a water faucet has been turned on. His cries are loud and very much sounds like he's choking on air.

Seonghwa gets startled though because he's _never_ seen Hongjoong cry like that. He's seen Hongjoong cry often because he's emotional, and every little thing stirs at his feelings. But like this? No, this is new. Hongjoong never cries like this.

When Seonghwa moves from his spot to race across the table and bring Hongjoong into an embrace, Hongjoong begins to explain through broken sobs about how he was going to propose to Seonghwa too. He hits Seonghwa for getting to it before him and then hugs him for getting to it at all. 

And then he removes himself from Seonghwa's arms to get up and run out of the kitchen to retrieve the rings he bought. He frantically searches through his dresser through tears, throwing clothes out, before he finally finds it. Once finding the box, he skids back into the kitchen to show Seonghwa how he got the _same_ exact ring design.

"Oh… Oh, _baby…,_ ” Seonghwa breathes out in awe. He laughs and brings Hongjoong in for another hug. "Oh, my God. This-this is amazing, I—" He pulls back and brings his hands up to cup Hongjoong's face instead. "I love you. I love you so much, Hongjoong-ah. So so _so_ much. I will never forget this."

Hongjoong's lips tremble as he stares at Seonghwa's face before he starts to sob again. _"Seoooonghwaaaa,"_ he wails and Seonghwa laughs again.

"Oh, gosh. You are such a baby," Seonghwa says as he still holds Hongjoong's face between his palms. He leans down and places a kiss on Hongjoong's lips before removing his hands from his face and attempting to soothe him by holding him again. "So, I guess this is a yes from you?" He teases as he runs a hand up and down Hongjoong's back.

With multiple sniffles, Hongjoong nods in response. As Seonghwa chuckles, Hongjoong stops hugging him to let him put the ring on his right ring finger. When he's finished, Hongjoong hiccups as he looks down at it through teary eyes.

"You are so cute."

"Shut the fuck up."

Seonghwa bursts into a fit of laughter. Then he kisses Hongjoong's forehead and embraces him once more.  
  


* * *

  
  
It's officially been two weeks since Seonghwa proposed to Hongjoong. It's a bit surreal to him if he has to be honest. It shouldn't feel like much has changed. _But it does._ The atmosphere that's around him and Seonghwa has become brighter. He feels so much lighter than he had about a month ago. He's—he's _happier._ God, he is _so_ much happier. 

And he suspects part of it is from finally having the weight of proposing to Seonghwa lifted off of his shoulders. He will admit that Seonghwa beating him to it gave him a whole lot of relief.

That aside, Hongjoong still holds the pair of rings he bought. He'd been pretty busy with creating new art pieces after Seonghwa's proposal, so he didn't get the chance to return the rings to the jeweller shop any earlier. 

The owner left quite an impression on him, so he'd wanted to revisit her as soon as possible just to relay the good news to her. She'd helped him so much that day that he felt it was the least he could do to honour her service. After all, her shop brought happiness to both him _and_ Seonghwa. She deserves to know how much of a saint she is.

With that being said, here Hongjoong is standing once again in front of _Queen's Touch._ He lets out a soft sigh and opens the doors to the shop to step inside. As the door closes behind him, he looks around for Minji and spots her speaking to a couple. He decides to walk up to the register instead and wait for her to finish with her customers. He doesn't want to leave now because he doesn't know when he'll get the chance to show up again.

As he waits, he looks around while absentmindedly twisting the ring on his finger. His mind is not even on the ring or the proposal. But there his fingers are, messing around with it. He doesn't realize how long it's been since he started doing that or that he even spaced out until Minji shows up behind the register and greets him.

"Oh, Hongjoong-ssi! I didn't expect to see you again so early! Back for second investment?"

Hongjoong laughs softly and shakes his head. "Hey, Minji-noona. Actually, no… I'm here to return the rings I bought."

Minji gasps. "Oh, no! Did you get cold feet!?" She exclaims.

A small smile makes its way onto Hongjoong's face as he tries not to burst into giggles. He looks down at the floor and says, "No, it wasn't that. I just didn't get the chance to propose before he did." Then he lifts his hand up to show the Minji the exact same ring he had bought already on his finger.

She gasps again but louder. _"Oh my God!"_ She shouts excitedly. "Oh my God, Hongjoong-ssi! This is amazing! That's so sweet!"

Hongjoong rubs the nape of his neck with a shy grin.

"Did you cry?" She asks.

And when Hongjoong looks up to view her expression, she's giving him a look that says she just _knows_ he did. He lets out a whine before shoving his face into the palms of his hands and nodding, embarrassed by having to admit it. _"Yes,"_ he confirms, voice muffled by his hands, "I did."

"Ahh! I knew it! You looked like you were going to burst into tears that day you came to purchase the rings!" She explains, bouncing excitedly. "This is so cute, Hongjoong-ssi. I'm so happy for you. I hope your marriage is blessed and that it will prosper forever."

Hongjoong can't believe how sweet and welcoming she is. The person he's only met for a second time has shown him so much more support than his entire family. His heart feels so warm. "Thank you so much, Minji-noona. I really—I appreciate everything you've done for me so much. You wouldn't even believe it." He pauses for a second before adding, "I have a question, though."

"Yes, of course! What is it?"

He pulls out his phone and turns it on before handing it to her. It's a photo of Seonghwa holding one of his co-worker's children at a party they were invited to last summer. "Did this man, by any chance...come here?"

Minji looks at it for a few seconds before gasping. "Oh, my God. Is that your fiancé now?" She asks.

Hongjoong nods.

"Amazing... He did come in! About a few days before you did, actually!" She confirms. "The world truly is a small place!

"What!?" Hongjoong exclaims.

"Yes! But the thing is that he's had it on hold for almost a year now!"

_“Huh?!”_

Minji explains to him how Seonghwa had called them in advance to ask if they sold wedding rings. When she told him that they did, he said he'd be coming in during the afternoon and thanked her. Later that day, true to his words, he arrived. But he seemed like he was in a rush. She mentions how he looked quickly through the rings, but he had no qualms about picking the same ring that Hongjoong did. 

She then says how he had said that he, unfortunately, forgot to bring his wallet with him but he couldn't come back because he had to return back to work. So he asked if Minji if _Queen's Touch_ had the option where he could put the rings on hold, and she confirmed that they did. Minji didn't think it would take him nearly a whole year to come back to pick up the rings and pay for them. But seeing him return in a doctor's uniform made her understand right away.

Hearing the story, Hongjoong couldn't believe it. But at the same time, he knows that's so _Seonghwa_ of Seonghwa to do. The fact that Seonghwa had been planning to propose to him for almost a year before him though... Hongjoong can't help but crack a smile. Seonghwa truly always was a step before him. And he didn't mind that at all.

"Wow... Thank you for telling me that," he says. "Is it weird that this makes me fall even harder in love with him?" He asks with a small laugh out of disbelief following.

Minji smiles. "No. Of course not. It's a beautiful thing. Your love is one of a kind." And with that, she finally refunds him.

Hongjoong very seriously makes sure to let Minji know he'll be back again to invite her to his wedding, and she laughs. When he leaves the shop, he stops in front of the door again, just like he did the first time he dared to enter. He then laughs to himself and shakes his head. 

"I guess there was no right or wrong choice."

**Author's Note:**

> i hope u like it, vi! ;;____;;
> 
> reach out to me via twitter @ [timeofsorrow](https://www.twitter.com/timeofsorrow) or curiouscat @ [timeofsxrrow](https://www.curiouscat.me/timeofsxrrow)~ (and if you're a minor, it's okay to DM me or send an ask still! but i won't accept any follow requests.)


End file.
